Day 31 – Dr. Kanoui

Still in a lot of pain and not sleeping well.

Back to the clinic, at the end of the day, for treatment and to see Dr. Kanoui. Desney met me at the clinic so we could talk to him together. He examined my throat, which didn’t take long as I almost threw up all over him, and was not surprised by my condition. My throat is apparently quite “touched” by the treatment. It’s both irritated, burnt and even may have a bit of a fungus or something. He gave me a bunch of new medication for the throat. Unfortunately none of the medicine he prescribed will actually make it feel any better. It will mostly protect it, disinfect it and preserve it. He noticed that I have lost my voice, which didn’t require Holmesian detective abilities, and said it was normal. We talked about pain killers and he was kind enough to prescribe some suppositories, which I hate but which are practically my only choice as I can not swallow pills at the moment, which may at the very least help me sleep. We spoke about my weight and he was quite adamant about the fact that I have to eat and get my weight back up. I can’t continue like this. He brought up the possibility of delaying the treatment for a week so as to allow me to recuperate and build myself back up a bit. We’ll discuss that next week. We then spoke about the chemotherapy and I told him that I wanted to envisage the possibility of not going through with the last series of chemotherapy. He was willing to delay the last series, by a week, but he feels I must go through with it. I disagree. But I did not go on about it as apparently “we” will decide next Wednesday.

In the evening there just happened to be a program on TV (Ca se discute) about cancer. It’s a combination panel discussion, with cancer victims, families, an oncologist, a psychologist, …), and sort of mini-documentaries as they have filmed each guest’s home life (treatment (chemo and x-ray therapy), relationships, home life, …). It was extremely well done and quite informative. I can relate instantly to what most of the cancer “victims” had to say. I realised, a little bit more, that I truly am a cancer victim and will forever be part of a group of a very different type of people with a completely different outlook on life.

The show ended a bit late (01:00). I took my suppository like a good boy and went to bed. It did help me sleep…