Another day like all the others.
Woke up in even more pain than usual, as I stupidly wanted to try not taking my painkiller suppository for one night, and spent the morning getting breakfast and medecine down.
At the end of the morning I looked at my e-mail and found a reply from my general practicioner (Dr. Girard). He, of course, feels I should continue the chemotherapy. He proceeds to propose supposedly additional treatment to relieve the symptoms of nausea and convulsions. However the treatments he proposes are exactly those which I already have and they are not working. I had hoped, ever so slightly, that he would back me up in my decision to not go through with the chemotherapy. But I understand his persistence in keeping with "the protocol". I will write back to him to explain my decision.
Arlene and I went back out to the local restaurant (Le Madrigal) for a good lunch as I didn't know if I'd be able to eat in the evening. We had a great time with good food.
After lunch I had a nap and then we headed off to the clinic for today's treatment. In addition to the mask which is clamped down in 3 points (left, right and top centre) they clamped down my right shoulder in a sort of vice to the table. I assume by the end of next week we'll be up to leather shackles, whips and chains...
We all had dinner together. Desney prepared sausages, mashed potatoes, peas and carrots. During dinner I brought up the e-mail from Dr. Girard which led to a rather emotional discussion. It appears as though the rest of the family does not agree with me refusing chemotherapy and they feel I am "taking the easy way out". All I can say is that no one can possibly know how I feel. However it doesn't make any of this any easier for me.
The radiation therapy is starting to really burn my skin and it's gone from red to brown and wrinkled around my throat. The burn comes from the inside so one can only imagine how much worse that is. I hope my skin holds out long enough...
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1 comment:
It's interesting that you talk about missing an opportunity to stick a narcotic up your rectum: (rectum, damn near killed him), and whips and chains in the same blog. I continue to read with admiration, the brave way you are handling having your mohter visiting, oh, I mean your ongoing medical travails. I hope this stuff starts getting easier soon, it sounds nasty and I am truly sorry you are having to endure this Derek. I do, however, feel a need to add my two euros to the opinion poll and ask that you seriously consider taking the most aggressive chemo protocol, recommeded by your physician. If you do it right this time you may not have to do it again. I know this is easy for me to say as I am not the one gargling glass and battery acid, but I want you well, as do the other people in your life who love you so dearly. Hang in there bubbala, we love you and look forward to seeing you. Love as always to all.
Jery
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