Confirmation

I got word from my doctor (Dr. Hagege) and the clinic (Clinique Turin) that my surgery has been confirmed for Thursday.

I'm actually quite pleased as I would probably go crazy if I had to wait a week between the scanner and the surgery.

As it is the worry is probably worse than the physical aspects these days. I don't really feel sick. I have a normal amount of energy and I am not in pain. I've got this thing on my neck that pulls at me every now and then. That's just the scar and the swelling underneath. Every now and then I get a sort of twinge in my neck. I believe that is actually my brain producing that purely out of worry. I sometimes have difficulty swallowing. But that too doesn't appear to be entirely physical. I don't know how I feel anymore. I don't know what's psychological and what's physical anymore. I guess everything is a mixture of both, always was and always will be. They're obviously both pretty important and one should not be considered more important than the other.

I really just want to get all of this over with and get to the other side. The other side could be pretty negative, which I don't like to think about too much, or it could be downright positive whereby this all becomes just a bad souvenir. But I'd love to have a time machine which would allow me to just jump a few months, or however long it's going to be, ahead and be through with it all. I just want them to do whatever it is they need to do to me to get rid of this and get on with the next phase of my existence.

The only bad news I got today was that, for the moment, I am in a double-room again. I am on a waiting list for a single room. But I told them that I certainly did not want to delay my surgery just for a single room and I'd accept a double in this case. Everyone is working very quickly, which I assume is for some very good reason I don't want to know about, and I certainly am not going to be the one to slow them down in any way.

I just went and picked up the injection from the pharmacy for the scanner. It's enormous!!! So now I have something else to nightmare over for the next couple of nights...