I was a bad boy

I had what should be my last appointment with my surgeon (Dr. Hagege) for a while. One of the first things I told him was how happy I was to be eating normally again. He immediately reprimanded me. I shouldn’t be eating solids yet as the stitches inside my throat are not finished healing and could re-open. Apparently the next 4 or 5 days are critical as regards those stitches and if I eat solids and they re-open I have to go back in to surgery to have them restitched. All of us would obviously like to avoid that. In addition he’s going away for the weekend so he doesn’t want me taking any risks. This brought on a nice wave of depression as I realised I was going to be going through another 4 or 5 days of eating like a baby when I had just gotten used to the simple pleasures of eating “normal” food. I have to eat mush until Tuesday.

He talked to me about my scar and told me how I now have to massage it twice a day to break up the scar tissue underneath. He obviously couldn’t know how much I hate oils and creams and such. I’ll start massaging them this evening with almond oil. It doesn’t tickle but it’s not screamingly painful either.

We them spoke about preparations for the x-ray therapy. I have to have a full panoramic dental x-ray done to ensure that my teeth and my jaw are healthy as the x-rays are shot at a range from above the jaw line to below the thorax. My teeth and jaw will therefore be weakened and we can not risk infection. An x-ray is no big deal so this didn’t bother me.

However I also have to go through another scan with injection. Immediate memories of lying there shivering with fear during the last scan cam flashing back to me. This time they’ll be scanning lower, from the thorax to the lower intestine, to ensure that the cancer has not spread to any other areas before starting the x-ray therapy. Hopefully I’ll be able to do this at the same place, and around the same time, as my meeting with the oncologist (Clinique Hartmann).

I told him about my problems with my puffed up left ear and left jaw. He explained that this was perfectly normal and that the double-surgery has created double-trauma throughout the left part of my body which will take months to recuperate.

When I left he said we would see each other after the x-ray therapy treatment unless there were problems during the treatment.

I walked back up the street to place de Champerret feeling pretty depressed about the near future…

I went to Monoprix and bought myself all the sort of mush I can eat over the next few days (yogurts, apple/pear purées, patés, soups, …). I came home and Desney ran my dinner (fried chicken and corn on the cob) through the mixer. It certainly ain’t the same.