Thursday, December 08, 2005

Day 53 – The day before the end

Last night was one of the worst nights in a while. In addition to my standard coughing fits (02:30, 04:30 and 06:05) I would have little coughs every 30 to 45 minutes throughout the night. This was absolutely exhausting as I only got bursts of sleep and never a full hour of sleep without interruption.

I woke up feeling particularly bad this morning. A bout of the shivers, my bones ached, I had no energy and I actually had a pain in the muscle in my buttocks where I normally sit down.

It took me a long time to get breakfast down (oatmeal) and then my medication. I kept walking around the kitchen and the house like a really old man and making sort of wheezing and whining sounds out of my throat. I’m glad I was alone! About an hour or so after I got the painkillers (Efferalgan/Codeine) down I started to feel a bit stronger and was able to at least look at my e-mail.

For lunch I decided to get away from the same ole same ole. I thought about one of the beautiful tins of Cassoulet I picked up at the Salon du Vin… but I decided I’d wait until I could actually taste them. Therefore rather than another Turkish sandwich or a sandwich from the bakery…

I strolled down to Gennevilliers, about a 15 minute walk, and went to McDonald’s. What better way to fatten me up than to eat American? I also thought it would do my transit well, which has been blocked up a bit by all the medication, in that there’s nothing that goes though and out me faster than McDonald’s! As there’s so much salt and chemicals in the “food” I was actually able to taste everything and it wasn’t half bad. One mistake I will not make again however is the fizzy soda. I had a Coke with my meal and the sugary bubbles were like sandpaper going down my throat.

Back home to catch the end of Ballykissangel and off to the clinic.

I got to the clinic on time. Unfortunately they were having problems again. My radiation machine was not working properly. They were unable to be 100% certain as to what dosage it was giving. That was good enough for me to avoid it. A half hour later they called my name, took me to a side, explained the situation and asked if I could come back on Monday. I explained that tomorrow was my last day of my entire treatment and that I would not want to come back on Monday. I told them I was prepared to wait if necessary but I would do anything not to come back on Monday. They said they would see if they could squeeze me in to the other machine. An hour later they came back out and announced that the machine had been fixed. They called my name as the first patient. I took them to a side this time and verified that every aspect of the machine was working and they were able to control the doses. They asked if I wanted to see a doctor. I asked if a doctor had verified the system. They said that Dr. Mammar had just verified the system which is why they were now operating again. That was good enough for me. I didn’t get out of there until 17:45 but at least I don’t have to extend my treatment.

I got home and put myself to bed until dinner. Desney did chicken legs and spinach. The chicken was delicious, filling and I was able to eat everything.

2 comments:

Jerry said...

Derek,
Something I learned a long time ago, was that even if I was thinking "why me", don't say it. The answer has always been "why not me". To someone else I am always the other guy, but you already know all this. I know you are aware that you have never done anything to deserve even a little of the pain you have had to endure recently. I wish I believed in God, so I would have someone to blame all the shit on and to get angry at, but since I don't I can only believe in odds and the fact that sometimes really shitty things happen to really good people. I have to say Derek, I have always been proud of you. As a child, the way you picked up swear words so quickly and your musical talent and the fact that you were just a good kid, and for the man you have grown up to be. A success in everything you have set out to achieve, be it wines, Jazz, computer technology and especially at your most glaring success, that of a loving father and husband. I have to echo Loni's blog and say that I have never been prouder of you than I am today, or prouder to be part of your family. Your courage and resilience are an inspiriation to me and your ability to be so eloquent with your emotions and experiences continue to astound me and apparently a few other people, as evidenced by your blog. I can't wait to come there and hug you and tell you in person, but in the meantime I have to be content to tell you here, I love you and know you can hang in there just a little longer, now that the treatment is at an end. Hopefully you will be enjoying food and wine again soon.

Anonymous said...

Well said, Uncle Jerry. I agree with everything you said with one difference. I do believe in God, and I know that it's because I do that Derek is going to finish up with this and come out of it a stronger person than before. I have been hoping and praying since day 1 that he would. I believe in odds and coincidence too, but there is divine intervention nevertheless. Don't forget that this was caught in enough time to get treatment. It could have been a lot worse even though that seems hard to believe when you read about the pain.
I have to add that the other glaring success in Derek's life is his wonderful wife, without whose patience, love, support, and wonderful cooking he couldn't have gotten even this far.